Songs of the Dead and Dying
by Lover of Angelus
Summary: A look into the Winchester's eyes and hearts and minds.
1. Mary Apologizes

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue. Written after the "Home" episode.

**Warning** : Wincest

-z-

**Chapter One**: Mary Apologizes

-z-

Mary Winchester says she's sorry  
She's apologizing for something her husband did  
He made them who they are  
Beings who are no longer people  
Just things that are trained to hunt and kill  
Hunt and kill  
Hunt and kill

So Mary Winchester says she's sorry  
Sorry for the sons and husband she left alone  
They never knew any other life  
Though the elder barely remembers a time when "dad" used to be "daddy"  
And when "mom" used to be "mommy"  
When "mom" was a word that wasn't forbidden  
When the thought of mommy was a happy one

So Mary Winchester says she's sorry  
She turns away from them  
And the boys watch as she goes up in flames  
Her apology still ringing in the air  
It was something that she could not control  
But in her mind, it was still her fault

So Mary Winchester says she's sorry  
And she wishes she could apologize till she's blue in the face  
But her time here is officially over  
The younger watches the mother he doesn't really remember  
And wishes he could hear her voice only once more  
'Cause he wants a mother, not just a brother and father  
But a mother as well

So Mary Winchester apologizes to her baby boy  
Tells him she's sorry for something she had no control over  
But could have stopped if she had only fought a little harder  
'Cause she knows that it's her husband's fault for ruining her boys  
For making them lover more than they should  
For making them care only about each other  
For making them lie over and over when they should only speak the truth  
For making them alone without any friends  
For making them warriors instead gentle  
For making them outsiders with no one to trust

So Mary Winchester apologizes to her son  
And says that she's sorry  
And Sam knows what it's about though he denies it then  
But he'll never tell Dean  
'Cause he's not sorry for what they do  
He's not sorry that he fell in love just sorry that it's "wrong" to love who he does

So Mary Winchester says she's sorry  
She's sorry for allowing her youngest to fall in love with her oldest  
She's sorry for allowing them to be forced into what they are now  
She's sorry for allowing her boys to be forced into that cursed embrace

-z-


	2. This is the Face

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue.

**Warning** : Wincest

-z-

**Chapter Two**: This is the Face

-z-

This is the face that he wears  
It melts the hearts of the teachers and charms the local sheriff  
It lets them know that he isn't mean, he isn't evil, he's just a little lost.

This is the smirk that he wears.  
It scares other students and pisses off monsters  
It lets them know that he is unbreakable or that his brother just showed up.

This is the smile that he wears  
It only appears in extremes  
It lets his brother know that he's done good and it lets the monsters know they screwed up big time.

This is the face that he wears  
It melts the hearts of the teachers and charms the local sheriff  
It lets them know that he isn't mean, he isn't evil, he's just a little lost.

-z-


	3. You Know

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue.

**Warning** : Wincest

-z-

**Chapter Three **: You Know

-z-

**You** know that every time he looks at you, you are blessed.

You know that every time he smiles at you, you are privileged.

You know that every time he jumps in front of you, you live just a little bit longer.

You know that every time he makes **love** to you, you're forgiven just a little bit more.

You know that every time he kisses you, you stay sane just a little bit longer.

You know that every time he jumps between you and Dad, you're breaking **him** just a little bit more.

You know that every time he tells you that he loves you, you fall just a little bit more.

You know that every time he refuses to cry in front of you, you realize you have to be **just a little** bit stronger.

You know that every time he watches you through the night, you're one step closer to telling him the truth.

You know that every time he stitches up your wounds, you're just one step closer to telling him you'll never leave again.

You know that every time he holds you when the visions hurt, you're two steps back on your plan to tell him about Dad.

You know that every time he says "We'll find Dad, so don't worry!", you're hating yourself just a little bit **more** for that terrible secret.

You know that when he finds you standing over your father's corpse with a smoking gun, he takes back every time he ever said "I love you, Sammy."

-z-


	4. Dean Winchester

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue.

**Warning** : Wincest

-z-

**Chapter Four **: Dean Winchester

-z-

Damned the second he called out his brother's name in a forbidden ecstasy  
Educated on the trigger and apparition's shriek  
Alone at the station, his precious baby's scent still in the air  
Never brought down without a fight, his head is held too high for that.

-

Wanders the back roads mourning the brother he wished to touch just once more  
Inwardly taking on the problems and looking at them from every angle until the answers present themselves  
Now runs hands over the body that's changed so much during his two-year absence  
Chuckled as the demon shouted and screamed and fucking _begged_ for mercy  
Held the pistol without the tremble of a man who might later regret pulling the trigger  
Examined from afar - none were stupid enough to get too close  
Savagely protects what belongs to him, snarling vicious threats that were more like promises  
Takes what he wants because he now has the power to do so  
Enables the other side to feel a fear that none should know  
Refuses to let go of the brother whose body is dying - so he gives his blood and waits.

-z-


	5. The Plan

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue.

**Warning** : None

-z-

**Chapter Five **: The Plan

-z-

Can't. Breathe.  
Too. Cold.  
Just. Run.  
Can't. Let them. Get. Sammy.  
Protect.  
Defend.  
Be the. Good soldier

**_listen to daddy's orders_**

Just. Run.  
Can't. Let them. Get. Sammy.

**_kill the Sammy, he's evil now, kill the Sammy_**

Behind - _BLAM_  
Left - _BLAM_  
Right, two - _BLAM BLAM_

Can. You. _**kill the Sammy**_ Keep. **_Sammy_** It. Up?  
Can you? **_(kill the Sammy)_**

_**kill the Sammy, he's evil now, kill the Sammy**_

Left - _BLAM_  
Behind, three - _BLAM BLAM BLAM_

**_Gordie was right, it kill you, doesn't it?  
Gordie was right and you were wrong!  
you said you knew Sammy more than anyone, said that he wouldn't go evil  
-you were wrong!-  
this is the price!_**

In front, three - _BLAM BLAM BLAM_  
Right - _BLAM_

**_can you reload fast enough?_**

Left, three - _BLAM BLAM BLAM  
_Right, five - _BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM_

So. Cold.  
Can't. Let them. Get **_(kill)_** Sammy.

-z-


	6. A Million Times Over

**Title** : Songs of the Dead and Dying

**Disclaimer **: Me no own, You no sue.

**Warning** : Wincest

-z-

**Chapter Five **: A Million Times Over

-z-

I know I've said it a million times  
But, baby, it's time to run again  
It'll be this way –  
You and I both know –  
Forever and ever  
Or until the evil is gone and left us alone  
But we're never alone  
Not really  
Even that time you were off doing your college thing  
I'm sure you felt me  
-- saw my shadow  
-- heard my whispers

Come on, baby  
Yeah, it's that time again  
Run with me now  
Just like old times  
Don't let your knees give out  
-- your heart quit  
We're in this till our last breath  
No room for failure  
Our apocalypse is near

Stand by my side  
I'll stand by yours, my beautiful baby  
Till the end of time, you know it  
-- love it  
-- use it  
We're still on the run  
We don't do it alone, thank whatever gods exists

Death is near us  
Can't you feel him?  
-- hear him sharpening his scythe?  
He'll let us do a few more of these Hunts  
And then we'll be done.

_Will we stay together?  
_  
Forever  
Till the hourglass runs out and beyond

I can't see, baby  
The world is black and I can't see  
I can hear, though  
I hear your voice whispering my name  
-- telling me about your day  
-- making all kinds of silly promises

_Promise I'll stay till the end of days.  
_  
I've made all kinds of promises  
-- to you  
-- to the victims  
-- to those who just had no hope

_Will that be us?  
Will we become the victims?  
_  
I can't answer that, baby  
Those are the questions I ask the mirror  
A million times over

-z-


End file.
